Scratch

Here you will find older scratches, musings and other detritus that once were located on the front pages, but have now faded.

Filed away here to collect dust and cobwwwebs in perpetuity, links may break, facts may change and data may corrupt.

On occasion I may come down here to tidy, but for the most, I prefer to leave the past where it lies.

 

Neighbours

Some random bits of helpful advice for getting on well with your neighbours. These arrive out of events last night (early this morning) and later this morning.

1. If you are going to either tell your spouse, or let them find out you are having an affair:
a) Don't do it at four in the morning;
b) Don't do it while drunk; and
c) Don't do it whilst they are in reach of you crockery set, your windows or your telly.
Said women was a tad angry "I hope you die" and although we could only hear her side through the screaming "You bastard" and wailing "Why her? You bastard" , there is now nothing he could say that could mitigate what he did (needless to say I won't go into details here to protect their identities, but I will say any man who sleeps with their partners sister and best friend @ the same time is begging for trouble somewhere down the line.

2. If you invite deaf medicine men to your house, do not stand outside our front door to hold your conversations and say goodbye afterwards. I am sure the reasons why he left his shoes outside are important to you, but not to me. (Thats not entirely true. Our landing currently looks like a Clarks discount store as everyone seems to be leaving their shoes outside).

On a more general note:

3. If you would like to play music loudly, please do so between 9am and 11pm. Also please invest in more than one CD single. Please.

4. You live in a two bedroom flat. Eight of you shouldn't (read cannot) live there. It's not physically possible without breaking several moral taboos, quite possibly several Acts of Parliament, not to mention enraging the RSPCA.

Thank you for you consideration, and I hope, restraint.

25 Apr 2004 20:44 | (0) comments | London

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