Scratch

Here you will find older scratches, musings and other detritus that once were located on the front pages, but have now faded.

Filed away here to collect dust and cobwwwebs in perpetuity, links may break, facts may change and data may corrupt.

On occasion I may come down here to tidy, but for the most, I prefer to leave the past where it lies.

 

Time

I tend not to notice the passage of time as it drifts by on its merry way to wherever it goes*, though on the occasion when I sit, think and look back, I am not only amazed by how quickly things, relatively speaking, have happened, but also my perception/recollection of said events. Certain memories/feelings that I remember from 10 years ago are as fresh as those of the smell of coffee this morning, both those I would consider as important and those I would consider inconsequential**. Other memories, perhaps ones I attribute less importance to, are more hazy, perhaps just a feeling, or an image, but not both.

It is often said*** that time moves too quickly, and certainly to me it seems that each year, each season, each month, each moment that passes is shorter than the one before. Days may be tedious and boring filled with nothing making them drag. Several of these without anything interesting to define inbetween however makes for a gap in my memory and with nothing to anchor them down or stand them apart, just become a dull blur. Days that are memorable, for some event or emotion (inevitably these are the days that are over too quick), become lodged forever as a synaptic path burnt across my brain, which will remain either until it fades (perhaps not burnt enough), is replaced or I die.

Aware as I am of its existence, but completely unable to forsee myself ever using the statement I have forgotten more than you will ever know I know of things that I remember with less frequency and certainly with less clarity than I remember myself remembering before and that worries me. I suspect though that this is the inevitable downside to getting older, doing more things and accumulating more memories. I do wonder as a response to this whether my memory reprioritises memories****, snipping bits off here and there, a little compression to save space, etc.

I guess I am just considering whether remembering, or re-visiting these memories changes them, whether it be conciously or subconciously. Sure I am not going to forget life changing events within a few minutes*****, but with the passage of time, can I trust myself and to remember events/feelings accurately. If I am in a good mood when I recount details, do I put a positive spin on them, or perhaps if I feel miserable, do the rainclouds drift in so to speak. And if so, do the synapses subtly alter? Observation changes both the observer and the observer, and as such can I trust my own memory not to tweak bits here and there? I suspect Schrodinger never posulated on a very pissed off pony appearing when he opened the box.

I am not sure why I chose to write this post. Reading back over it some 40 minutes after multiple re-workings, it is not the light and reflective piece I had intended (although a small portion of that remains, albeit in the footnotes). I suspect its just because I have been thinking about things a lot today. I think its just worrying that things have changed and I don't remember them as I should. The thought that things for better, for worse, and that perhaps by not being able to believe 100% in something, I somehow reduces its worth and it saddens me that I can't be sure.

Obviously I can never know, and if I am honest there is little I can do to make amends, but If I can't trust myself, who can I trust?

Perhaps its nothing, and I probably need to get some sleep.

26 Jul 2007 22:45 | (1) comment | Thoughts

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