Scratch

Here you will find older scratches, musings and other detritus that once were located on the front pages, but have now faded.

Filed away here to collect dust and cobwwwebs in perpetuity, links may break, facts may change and data may corrupt.

On occasion I may come down here to tidy, but for the most, I prefer to leave the past where it lies.

Monthly Archives

01/02/2008 - 29/02/2008 01/01/2008 - 31/01/2008 01/12/2007 - 31/12/2007 01/11/2007 - 30/11/2007 01/09/2007 - 30/09/2007 01/08/2007 - 31/08/2007 01/07/2007 - 31/07/2007 01/06/2007 - 30/06/2007 01/05/2007 - 31/05/2007 01/04/2007 - 30/04/2007 01/03/2007 - 31/03/2007 01/02/2007 - 28/02/2007 01/01/2007 - 31/01/2007 01/12/2006 - 31/12/2006 01/11/2006 - 30/11/2006 01/10/2006 - 31/10/2006 01/09/2006 - 30/09/2006 01/08/2006 - 31/08/2006 01/07/2006 - 31/07/2006 01/06/2006 - 30/06/2006 01/05/2006 - 31/05/2006 01/04/2006 - 30/04/2006 01/03/2006 - 31/03/2006 01/02/2006 - 28/02/2006 01/01/2006 - 31/01/2006 01/12/2005 - 31/12/2005 01/11/2005 - 30/11/2005 01/10/2005 - 31/10/2005 01/09/2005 - 30/09/2005 01/08/2005 - 31/08/2005 01/07/2005 - 31/07/2005 01/06/2005 - 30/06/2005 01/05/2005 - 31/05/2005 01/04/2005 - 30/04/2005 01/03/2005 - 31/03/2005 01/02/2005 - 28/02/2005 01/01/2005 - 31/01/2005 01/12/2004 - 31/12/2004 01/11/2004 - 30/11/2004 01/10/2004 - 31/10/2004 01/09/2004 - 30/09/2004 01/08/2004 - 31/08/2004 01/07/2004 - 31/07/2004 01/06/2004 - 30/06/2004 01/05/2004 - 31/05/2004 01/04/2004 - 30/04/2004 01/03/2004 - 31/03/2004 01/02/2004 - 29/02/2004

 

Truly Frightning

Just think back to my earlier post about visiting the Terracotta army and something amusing popped up from my memory. When Sal mentioned that she was going to one of her work colleagues, he responded with 'So these Terracotta Warriors you're going to see... are they a band?'

Its a good argument for some sort IQ benchmark related steralisation.

Cheese Hamwich

Possibly everything you could want for an afternoon snack, especially if you wanted a toasted cheese and ham sandwich. Well kindoff.

Contrary to what you may believe by the product name, the main ingredient is in fact turkey and there is in fact 0% ham content.

I suppose Cheese turkwich doesn't sound as good.

Nemi

I thought todays Nemi would bring back some memories, or rather lack of them in my friends.

For a weeks worth of Nemi, click here.

Nemi

Reading todays, Nemi on the Tube this morning, I noticed this particular strip that made me laugh out loud, as I am occasionally prone to do. I am not sure whether it is socially acceptable to laugh on the tube to Nemi, if at all, but hey, I digress.

There is an eerie resemblance, in attitude not so much appearance (although IMHO that wouldn't be suc a bad thing), to so many of my friends, and afterall who can blame them. Afterall, who wouldn't jump at the chance to buy a strange thingy with propellers - cakeyvoice, I'm looking at you.

Similarly

• The Time:
• Troubled
• Night
• The Atmospheric Conditions:
• Dark
• Precipitous
• Supernatural illumination
• People:
• I
• Mary
• What she does
• Arrives
• Co-locates
• People w/ Broken Hearts
• What they do
• Agree
• Part
• Things:
• Words of Wisdom (4 thereof)
• Answers (2 thereof)
• Sound of Music
• Course of Action:
• Let It Be

Cross posted over at the original location.

Amusing

For some some unrestrained hilarity, check out Superman is a dick. Essentially it includes unchanged reprints, from some of the more insane covers from the Mort Weisinger era of "Superman". ROFLMAO, especially the 'time machine' on page 2.

If you like this then you may want to look at Superdickery which has more of the same (as its probably the original site) including the hilarity of Batman's boner, his attitude to the role of a wife and the punishment for those who stepped outside the norm. I can understand Batman's attitude given Wonder Women's comments and actions.

Looking back now, whilst funny it is also quite cringeworthy. Even with the best will in the world, I can't believe the writers/artists wrote some of this stuff. It is writing like this that the majority of people today have a strange view of people who collect comics.

Is that the writers fault for some appaling writing or society's for making me pick up on the innuendo, which at the time I would hope, was innocent. All I can say is that hindsight is a wonderfull thing, and whilst I can just about handle this, don't get me started on this.

Warning Wanton Hilarity

I've missed this. Found it buried in an old list of bookmarks on an old PC I've been rebuilding.
Check out the South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut review's first sentence:

WARNING! This analysis is blunt. South Park is a vulgar and vile movie. Any commentary will inherently border vulgar as well.

Can't breathe. Laughing too much...

Darwinism

Darwin's theory of natural selection at work I think.

Microsoft Support

According to the Microsoft Road Map for 2003 Server, I can be expecting SP1 and 64 bit support in the first half of 2005, with the "R2" release coinciding with the first Longhorn beta in the second half.

Having studied software life-cycles, I realise that support can only be given for a finite period, before the technology becomes obsolete and in the case of o/s', no longer able to support newer software to its best potential. Given, this roadmap, and the fact 2003 Server is only 20 months old, I didn't realise Microsoft had moved this plan drastically forward.

And yes FYI, you can run a web/email/ftp server on a PC with such little processing power and RAM. Well I say run, more like sedate afternoon stroll.

Bushism

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful - and so are we," the US president told a high-level meeting of Pentagon officials.

"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people - and neither do we."

Wolverine vs. Superman

X3/Superman

English Footy News

Have just received the following email:

It's just been reported that one of the French football players has failed a drugs and alcohol test yesterday (Monday) after the match. If this is confirmed as positive, under World Football Federation rules, paragraph 6 sub section 2e, France will forfeit their 3 points and they'll be appointed to their opponents, England. Click below for the full transcript of this report.

Carlsberg don't send emails, but if they did, they'd probably be the best in the world.

Overheard (1)

So I'm standing in the supermarket queue earlier with several bags worth of food on the conveyor belt, and a lady comes up to me. She hovers for a minute before asking me whether I would mind her going ahead as she only had two items and she needed to get to a funeral urgently. Given that I was in no rush I said it wasn't a problem and for her to go ahead.

It does beg the question though, if you're late for a funeral why go shopping and risk missing it completely. Also, what sort of funeral requires you to bring two packets of discounted frozen pork chops and £50 cash back?

I won't even go into the appropriateness of skin-tight zebra striped leotards on a 50+year old female with bleach "blonde" hair...

"Bacon & Eggs"

From tonight's Will & Grace.

Kevin: Look, when the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. It's a little tidbit I picked up from Val Kilmer.
Will: You--you did a movie with Val Kilmer?
Kevin: No, but Val was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise, and Tom was in A Few Good Men with me. Huh, that was a short one.

ROFLMAO

Kate Beckinsale

Given Kate's dazzling performance at the London premier of Van Helsing, its probably an opportunity to revive this comment courtesy of the Daily Show in 2003.

She was asked whether her four-year-old daughter had discovered sarcasm. She had: "The other day she said she wanted to grow up to be a movie star in Hollywood," Beckinsale recalled, "and some nice person said, 'You mean like Mommy?' and she said, 'No - I said I want to be a movie star..."

Good Ol' George W.

While golfing one morning, President George W. Bush was asked to comment on the previous day's grisly suicide bombing in Israel. "I call upon nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers," he remarked, returning to more important matters. "Thank you - now, watch this drive."

Pa$$word$

I may have continuing problems with networkable UPS equipment, but I think that the Computer Security Team at work is in even deeper trouble.

"More than 70% of people would reveal their computer password in exchange for a bar of chocolate, a survey has found ..."

Mine's a snickers.

Dan Quayle & the Potatoe Incident

Some time after Dan Quayle's embarrassing spelling bee incident (in which he incorrectly advised a contestant that 'potato' was spelt with a trailing e), he addressed his critics:

"I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card," he admitted. "But as Mark Twain once said, 'You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.'"

Quayle, it was later pointed out, had in fact been quoting President Andrew Jackson...

"I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that," Quayle declared some time later, "since he got his nickname 'Stonewall' by vetoing bills passed by Congress."

Ironically, Quayle was wrong once again, having confused Andrew Jackson with Confederate General Thomas J. 'Stonewall' Jackson - who had acquired his nickname at the first Battle of Bull Run.

["George W. Bush's Secret Service name is 'Tumbler,'" Conan O'Brien once declared. "That's because 'Bumbler' was already taken by Dan Quayle."]

Royal Mail (2)

Ordered from Amazon 4 days ago, dispatched by them 3 days ago, due to arrive in 379 days. Bless them.

Royal Mail

In my experience Royal Mail have occasionally let me down on deliveries and been unable to explain why. Given their size, I can usually forgive them so long as they are honest about things and we can go from there. To this end it seems that Amazon (who use Royal Mail) are now preempting such delays and advising customers accordingly.

Ok then

Its amazing what you forget to save your from embarrassment.

Humour

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